Growing up, the only thing you’ve done is beat me to a pulp. Whether it’s physically, mentally, verbally or emotionally; you’ve done it all. I understand you’re my older sister, but ever since day one I have never felt obligated to come to you for anything. I can never talk to you… and when I do come your way, all I get is constant criticism. I do listen to what you have to say, I do see where you come from, I do let you voice your opinion but everything that comes out of your mouth is nothing but negativity. Your words are unnecessarily and excessively harsh whereas I’ve come to the point that I dont even look at you as remotely even close to my “sister”. A sister is someone you should feel comfortable with, closer than a bestfriend & merely a soul mate; yet, why is it that your presence makes my heart go cold and the last thing I want to do is be in the same room as you? I have witnessed you do/say some of the most absurd things and it astonishes me until this day that you dont realize what you have done wrong. You are so blind, bitter, and rude that it actually scares me. Your way or the high way, there’s no way around it. You are so narrow minded and quick to judge. We may look alike and you may have sculpted a great amount of who I am today, but we are completely different characters with separate souls and minds and I am more than blessed to have that difference because I feel sorry for someone like you.
I was hurting last night because like always, I was thinking about those who dont give a shit about me. I’m tired of people walking in and out of my life whenever they so please and/or treating me with disrespect. I don’t know why I get so emotionally abused by many… I treat others with respect. But like you’ve told me once before, not everyone is going to treat me like how I treat them and I really need to learn that. I was hurting because I felt like a rebound and then eventually I felt like nothing. For the most part, I vibrate off the same frequency when I get to know someone and things go splendid; not even in an intimate way, but just as a friendship. But that can never last for long because soon enough that person will walk away from me. They always leave first and it just makes me feel like… I’m not enough. Otherwise they would have stayed, you know? I understand people come and go and everything happens for a reason, but when you have so many people constantly walking out of your life at once… it leaves me feeling shitty. How am I supposed to feel when I give someone a year and a half of my time, only for them to leave me like I was never anything to them? How am I supposed to feel when I go to another state in anticipation to meet someone I’ve been fond of for the longest time, only for them to kiss me when the other girl they’re talking to looks away? How am I supposed to feel when someone makes me feel special, only for me to find out that I’m just like the rest? How am I supposed to feel? … I feel nothing. All day yesterday I had a huge empty void in the pit of my stomach and food was the last thing to solve that problem. People fill me up only to pour me over and it just leaves me skeptical of so many… my pain is a lesson to learn from and I know I’m too young to even be feeling/thinking this way. But… it is what it is and I’m hurting.
Anonymous said: How many times have you felt like a guy was actually fond of you; like he was actually interested in every piece of you?
… Not often… maybe like.. to the most, three guys have made me feel like they’re actually fond of every piece of me. But even those three were a long, long, time ago..